public service announcement:

do not try to fit your oura ring onto your penis. not the intended use.

Also, don’t drink bleach.

@AnaArsonist honest not the intention to put in front of your face 😂

@Slatzism just wait for the punchline

@SHAYinsights V02 max: 58.7 mL/(kg·min), top 1.5% of 18 year olds

three things u must know:
1. money in bank account
2. biological age
3. nighttime erections

@jmKoudsi @ChadNotChud No they misunderstood. Two years ago I had 3 oz of red wine with breakfast. Stopped as calories were too high for nutritional value.

@megs_io @phortytwo @nypost Some people r lugging baggage around, mine are treasure chests

@BDStanley 😂🫶🏻

Now listen here shorty, the girth of my protocol will have your joystick at full salute and ready to gearshift like a toy solider. Sincerely,

Octagon Johnson

@algergawi it’s the absurdity of the early 21st century